


theory of love

by amonglilies



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kink Exploration, Light BDSM, M/M, Pet Play, Sex Toys, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27074656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amonglilies/pseuds/amonglilies
Summary: He didn’t make assumptions about his clients, but it was important to have some situational awareness. Usually, he could get a fairly good impression of a client from the initial contact and meeting, an idea of what they wanted, what they might be like in bed, but this client had been difficult to read from the start, his requests sparse, his casual friendliness carefully measured. From the room, to his perfectly tailored pants and the crimson soles of his dress shoes, it was obvious the client was a wealthy white collar type, probably the richest client Felix had ever had, and that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.“How do you want me?” Felix asked as the client went over by the bed.“What’s your name?”The watch the client set down on the nightstand was easily fifty thousand dollars. “Felix.” He didn’t take enough clients to feel the need for a pseudonym, not that his clients used his name anyway.“Nice to meet you, Felix,” the client said. “I’m Sylvain.”
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 56
Kudos: 315





	theory of love

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with a PWP that ran extremely far away from me rip
> 
> Unbeta'd.

From the outside, no one could have guessed it was a hotel. Felix had a passing familiarity with places like these — lavish hotels far from the popular tourist spots, exclusive clubs hidden among the countless skyscrapers of the city, the kinds of places only distinguished by a name on a polished plaque. His clientele tended to be fairly well-off, enough to afford the kind of privacy those places provided, though he had his fair share of appointments in rooms with tacky wallpaper and stiff beds.

This one in particular was tucked away in the old industrial district, a weathered brownstone that stood out among the modern glass office buildings that had been built in recent years. The keycard was sent to him in advance, allowing him access into the building via the card slot by the heavy oak door — there wasn’t even a button to call for someone. After inserting the card into the slot, Felix heard a tinny beep, the latch clicking as the door was pulled open for him.

The doorman greeted him with a polite nod, neither a smile or a frown on his face. In contrast with the exterior, the interior of the building was seemingly gilded in gold, the brilliant light of a grand chandelier bouncing off the spotless black marble floors. It looked like a painting — even the woman at the front desk, every lock of her curly hair perfectly pinned in place. “Welcome,” she greeted, holding up a hand to direct him toward the elevator before she returned her attention to her work. Felix guessed the price for a night at a place guaranteed privacy.

He looked at the keycard, the room number engraved on the thin gold metal, before calling for the elevator. As it slowly went up, he looked at himself in the mirrored walls. His hair was tied up, as he usually kept it for his appointments. He readjusted his coat around him, tightening the belt. It felt a little strange not to have anything but his wallet and phone with him.

Once at the door, he knocked twice and then used the card. Stepping in, he could hear the faint sound of voices, turning toward them. The sitting room overlooked the river, the lights of the city skyline. The client, he assumed, was sitting on the couch, watching television with an arm thrown casually over the back, looking over at him.

“Hey,” the client said. “You’re right on time. I was worried it was going to be hard to find.”

Felix closed the door behind him as the client turned off the television, looking around. Upscale hotels these days tended toward a rigid, sterile look; this suite was more of a traditional baroque style, all dark wood and red velvet, dimly lit with a soft warm light, but it still had the amenities of a modern hotel — a comprehensive entertainment system, a fully-stocked bar.

“Do you want anything to drink?” The client asked as he got to his feet.

“No,” Felix replied.

A few moments passed. The client quirked a grin. “Straight to business, huh?” He said mirthfully. “Alright then.”

Felix followed the client to the bedroom. He didn’t see anything set up on the bed, just some lube on the nightstand. He didn’t make assumptions about his clients, but it was important to have some situational awareness. Usually, he could get a fairly good impression of a client from the initial contact and meeting, an idea of what they wanted, what they might be like in bed, but this client had been difficult to read from the start, his requests sparse, his casual friendliness carefully measured. From the room, to his perfectly tailored pants and the crimson soles of his dress shoes, it was obvious the client was a wealthy white collar type, probably the richest client Felix had ever had, and that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

“How do you want me?” Felix asked as the client went over by the bed.

“What’s your name?”

The watch the client set down on the nightstand was easily fifty thousand dollars. “Felix.” He didn’t take enough clients to feel the need for a pseudonym, not that his clients used his name anyway.

“Nice to meet you, Felix,” the client said. “I’m Sylvain.”

If he wanted to exchange banal greetings, he would have kept his old job. “How do you want me, Sylvain?” Felix repeated, just to humor him.

“I paid for a session,” Sylvain said. “What exactly does that entail?”

“You can fuck me however you want until you finish,” Felix answered. “Anything after that costs extra, priced at my discretion.”

Felix kept the price for this particular service high for a reason. Sylvain smiled like he knew. “I bet you like excitable ones,” he quipped. “Go ahead and undress.”

Emptying his pockets on the table, Felix knelt to untie his boots. As he did, he heard Sylvain step toward him, slowly, saw his own face reflected in the polished leather of Sylvain’s shoes. Heard the telltale clatter of a belt.

So that was how it was going to be.

“Undress,” Sylvain repeated as his pants fell around his ankles.

Still on his knees, Felix clenched his jaw as he shed his coat. As per Sylvain’s request, the only request he had, he was bare underneath, clad only in lingerie — a lacy, sheer bralette and panties to match, stockings held up by a garter belt. It was a fairly tame request, as far as requests went. Felix tossed the coat aside, looking up to see Sylvain stroking himself loosely, his appreciative gaze roving up and down his body.

“Oh, that’s a good look you’ve got on your face,” Sylvain remarked.

Felix felt a twinge of annoyance. He had forgotten how insufferable these clients could be. Wanting to wipe that smirk off his face, Felix leaned forward, pushing Sylvain’s hand away to wrap his hand around the base of Sylvain’s cock. Feeling Sylvain’s gaze on him, he teased the tip with his tongue before taking it in his mouth. Sylvain was bigger than what he was used to, but he wasn’t going to back down now.

Above him, Sylvain sighed, his hand sliding under Felix’s chin, holding him in place as he began to thrust shallowly into his mouth. If Felix could grin, he would; maybe this would be an easy night after all. He tried to take him in deeper, his tongue sliding around him, but Sylvain held fast and pulled out with a noisy pop.

“Mm, nice try,” Sylvain said as Felix panted for breath. He swiped his thumb against Felix’s bottom lip before he released him. “But I’m not letting you off that easy.”

Felix wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, glaring, though it only made Sylvain smile. Sylvain stepped out of his pants, picking them up along with Felix’s coat and folding them over the chair before walking back to the bed. He sat up against the headboard, making himself comfortable against the pillows; he gave Felix another onceover before he spoke again.

“Come here, Felix.”

Felix wasn’t one for foreplay. He kicked off his boots, his stockinged feet sinking into the plush carpet as he walked over. He climbed onto the bed, swinging a leg over Sylvain’s lap. He waited for instruction, trying not to look too pissed or bored.

“Can I touch you?”

Felix nearly rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to snarkily remind him that he already had his cock in his mouth. “That’s what you’re paying for.”

Sylvain touched him, starting from his hips and moving up to his chest, then back down. He had large hands, large enough to easily palm his ass, squeezing lightly before stroking his thighs, his fingers plucking at the belts of the garter before gliding down the stockings. Sylvain’s touch felt like a buzzing against his skin. While Sylvain entertained himself, Felix looked at him. As far as clients went, Sylvain was one of the better-looking ones, handsome and firm, judging from the muscles Felix could between his thighs. In the back of his mind, he wondered why someone like him would hire a sex worker. His first immediate thought was that he was an asshole, though that usually did little to dissuade people from having sex with someone — the second was that he was from out of town, cheating on a partner, knowing he would be discreet.

Or maybe, Felix thought as Sylvain met his gaze, dark-eyed and hungry, he had tastes the average person couldn’t fulfill for him.

Resting one hand on his hip, Sylvain cupped his crotch with the other. Felix breathed slowly, steadily, as Sylvain pressed the heel of his hand against him, rubbing against his clit. “Does that feel good?”

Felix hummed, moving his hips against him. It had been a while since he had been touched like this. He let out a sigh as Sylvain began to rub two fingers against him, the material of the thin panties slowly growing damp. Rolling his hips for more friction, he huffed when Sylvain pulled away.

Sylvain stroked his thumb along his inner thigh, looking thoughtful. “I didn’t know doms did this sort of thing too.”

Felix blew a lock of loose hair out of his face. “For the right price, I do.” It was true that he didn’t usually sleep with clients; he had given it a few tries when he first started out, only to quickly learn there were certain expectations clients had about paid sex. Felix could take anything a client gave him, but they expected him to moan and beg and he was no actor. All of his regular clients hired him as a dom and any new clients tended to be referred for the same thing. It was rare for a prospective client to ask just for sex, even rarer for them to accept the exorbitant price he charged.

“Oh?” Sylvain uttered, curious. “You’re not in any trouble, are you?”

Felix did roll his eyes at that. “You’ve been watching too many movies,” he said flatly. “A friend is getting married. I could use the money.”

Sylvain blinked and then laughed. “What, like a destination wedding?” He chuckled when Felix made a face. “Those can get quite expensive. Somewhere south?”

“France.”

“Ooh.” Sylvain ran his finger along the hem of his stockings. “Eiffel Tower?”

This was a bizarre conversation to be having at a time like this. "The French Alps.”

“My, she has good taste. Winter weddings are something special,” Sylvain said approvingly. “It can be quite an experience for the guests, too.”

Of course Sylvain would know about that. He probably owned a chateau there, took supermodels with him on weekend trips or something equally ridiculous. “We’ll see if I ever get to experience it when it takes you this long to fuck me.”

Sylvain grinned. “Are you always this mean to your clients?”

Felix glared. “If you wanted someone kind, you probably should have hired someone else.”

Sylvain hummed, running his hands down his hips again. “No,” he murmured. “I think I quite like this.”

Felix managed to hold his tongue as Sylvain reached for the lube on the nightstand, squeezing some onto his fingers and warming it up. “Don’t you want to put some on yourself?”

“Eager, aren’t you?”

It was incredible how every word that came out of Sylvain’s mouth managed to annoy the shit out of him. “If I bleed, I charge extra.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” Sylvain said. “I promise I’ll be gentle when we get there.”

Sylvain slid his fingers along the side of Felix’s panties, pushing it aside to give himself the space to sink a finger inside him. The problem with not having sex very often was that when he did, it took some getting used to. Felix inhaled sharply as Sylvain slipped in the second, slowly stretching him open, shivering when he felt Sylvain’s thumb rubbing his clit. Sylvain’s other hand roamed, running up and down along his back, slipping underneath the hem of his panties, pulling it taut. When he met Sylvain’s gaze, Sylvain was watching him, his eyes half-lidded, a smirk on his lips.

“Maybe you didn’t need the lube,” he murmured, his fingers moving faster inside him.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” Felix bit out, even though he felt himself growing hotter, could feel himself moving, grinding down Sylvain’s fingers.

“Let me hear you,” Sylvain requested. “Please.”

Felix only grunted, unwilling to give him the satisfaction. Sylvain hummed, canting his head, his fingers sinking deeper inside him. Felix felt Sylvain’s lips brush his neck, his mouth moving down his chest, his tongue lapping at his nipple over the sandy sheer material of his bralette, his hand pressed against his back to keep Felix from pulling away. “Mm — Sylvain —”

The hard bite on his nipple was unexpected, but even more unexpected was the way his body stiffened, clamping down hard on Sylvain’s fingers as he came noiselessly, managing to choke out a moan when the height of his orgasm passed. Sylvain nudged aside his bralette; Felix shuddered at the feeling of his tongue on his skin, licking softly at the throbbing bite mark, as Sylvain firmly stroked his clit, carrying him through the rest of his orgasm. A soft whimper fell unbidden from his lips when Sylvain pulled his fingers out, as he clenched around nothing.

“You’re a real treat,” he heard Sylvain murmur in his ear, his fingers still running along his wet folds.

Felix could feel his heart pounding against his ears, his blood running hot. Felix wasn’t used to this kind of client. When Sylvain pulled him in closer, Felix knew he was just getting started. “I need a minute,” he managed to breathe as Sylvain shifted lower on the bed.

“I won’t put it in,” Sylvain assured him as he pulled Felix down to sit firmly in his lap. Felix felt his cock slide against his cunt. “I just want to get it nice and wet first.”

 _Prick_ , Felix thought as Sylvain looked up at him, a lazy smirk on his lips as he moved Felix’s hips back and forth, spreading Felix’s come along his length. Annoyed by Sylvain’s confidence, even more annoyed that he was growing aroused again, Felix did what Sylvain wanted, bracing his hands on Sylvain’s chest — god, even his chest was amazingly firm — as he leaned forward, letting the tip of his cock slide just inside him, teasing. Sylvain was strong but Felix could match his strength, pulling when Sylvain tried to push, keeping himself just out of reach when Sylvain’s hips twitched beneath him.

Sylvain grinned. “Are you ready?” He asked breathlessly. Felix lifted up on his knees, taking Sylvain’s cock in his hand, but Sylvain stopped him. “I want you on your stomach.”

Felix flushed; he had gotten ahead himself. Avoiding what was undoubtedly a smug look on Sylvain’s face, Felix climbed off the bed, letting Sylvain arrange him again; Sylvain bent him over the edge of the bed until Felix was leaning on his forearms. He stood behind him; Felix felt his garter belt loosen, his panties being tugged down.

“You’ve got a cute ass,” Sylvain said, squeezing again before parting his cheeks, running his thumb down the crack. “Hm, nice and soft.”

Felix bit his lip. He felt like he was being toyed with; what was worse was that he found himself enjoying it.

The click of the bottle was loud in the silence. Felix’s toes curled against the soft carpet. Sylvain’s hand was back on his hip, his thumb stroking his skin. Felix sucked in a breath at the touch of Sylvain’s cock against his entrance, held it as it eased in, stretching him open with every inch, filling him up. Felix let out an impatient noise when Sylvain pulled out halfway. “Hurry up,” Felix snapped, unsure if he just wanted to get it over with or if he just wanted Sylvain’s cock in him again.

“Bossy,” Sylvain said with a low chuckle, his hand squeezing his hip as he sank back in. “Just thought I’d let you get used to it.”

“It’s not my first time, you —”

The rest of his sentence was lost in a gasp as Sylvain buried himself to the hilt in one smooth motion, spearing him on his cock. Felix’s hands clutched at the sheets — his head spun from the exhilaration of being filled, his body shuddering. He moaned shakily as Sylvain began to move, grinding his hips against him. Felix found himself pushed forward, Sylvain’s hand pressing him down into the bed as he put those thighs to good use, fucking him with long deep thrusts. Felix muffled his gasps in the bed as Sylvain pounded him steadily, his cock hitting deep inside him, the delicious drag of it sending waves of pleasure through his body. He came again before Sylvain did, his stomach in knots with how hard he clenched with Sylvain still inside him. Sylvain grabbed his thigh, pushing until Felix had a leg bent on the edge of the bed, holding it in place. “Flexible,” Sylvain murmured appreciatively, gripping Felix’s hips as he moved even faster, fucking him through his orgasm. “Such a lewd body.”

Felix’s face burned. He had no leverage at all; all he could do was twist his fingers in the sheets and take Sylvain’s cock, letting Sylvain hear his helpless gasps and pleasured moans as he used him. Finally, Sylvain groaned, his hips stuttering as he came; Felix trembled as warm come filled him, dripping out of him when Sylvain slowly pulled out. His feet finally finding the floor but his legs too weak to hold up his own weight, Felix slid down the bed, his knees cushioned by the carpet as he clung to the edge of the bed, gasping for breath.

“Again,” he heard Sylvain breathe.

Felix wiped the sweat off his forehead on the edge of the sheets. “I haven’t told you the price yet.”

“I’ll pay it.”

Swallowing, Felix lifted his head to look at Sylvain. Sylvain was already unbuttoning his shirt. He could say no. He probably should.

Instead, he dragged himself up onto his feet, his thighs quivering, grimacing as come trickled out of him, staining his stockings. “How do I know you’re good for the payment?” He asked, even though he knew very well that Sylvain was good for it.

A slow smile spread on Sylvain’s lips. He retrieved his wallet, opening it and tossing a jet-black card down on the nightstand. “Tell me your price,” he said. “I’ll let you know if it hits the limit.”

-

The thing was Felix knew better. He knew Sylvain’s type, the kind of person who was good at asking for an inch and getting a mile. He should’ve known better than to give it, should’ve known Sylvain would ask for another, then another, until he was satisfied.

The heavy wooden bed frame — probably antique, probably a century old — creaked like it was on its last legs as Sylvain fell back on the bed. “You’re really good,” Felix heard him sigh. “Do you really not do this often?”

“I’m too expensive for most people,” Felix mumbled, not even bothering to lift his face out of the unimaginably soft pillow. His body was sticky and sweaty again, his hair let loose after trying to keep it tied proved useless when Sylvain hardly gave him a minute of rest. His legs felt like jelly. Sylvain had him in the shower, then twice more on the bed. It was a miracle they were both conscious. His back was going to be very sore tomorrow but at least he had a very good pay day to look forward to.

“Worth every penny.” The bed let out another labored groan; Felix nearly echoed it, hoping Sylvain wasn’t going to want another round. A few moments later, something cold pressed against the back of his neck; he turned to see Sylvain sitting by his hip, holding out a bottle of water. Sylvain smiled kindly, like he hadn’t just spent hours mercilessly fucking him. “This was something of an indulgence,” he admitted. “I’ve been a bit pent-up lately.”

What an understatement. Felix narrowed his eyes, managing to roll over onto his back, grabbing the bottle out of Sylvain’s hand and draining half of it in one go. “Dumped?" He asked, hoping it might hurt his ego.

“Mm." Sylvain smiled, unbothered. "By a few people.”

A rich playboy. He should’ve guessed.

Sylvain fell back on the bed, laying on top of Felix’s legs. Felix would kick him off if he had any strength left. “Can I hire you again?” He asked. “This was fun. Maybe I’ll try your other services.”

Felix took another drink. “I’m charging you more next time.” He shot him a glare, quickly adding, “If I even feel like answering your calls.”

Sylvain turned to look at him, his sweat-curled hair falling over his forehead as he smiled disarmingly. “As you should.”

-

Here was what Felix knew about Sylvain: he was 32 years old — “I was born in the year of the tiger so that makes you a dragon,” he had informed him, his eyes peeking over his phone as Felix was getting undressed — worked in sales — gleaned from a work call Sylvain answered while Felix was blowing him — and had a truly frightening sex drive.

Despite their conflicting personalities, they were, undeniably, physically compatible. Felix wasn’t fragile and Sylvain wasn’t shy — Felix didn’t think there was a single piece of furniture left in that suite they hadn’t had sex on. Sex with Sylvain always felt like a fight, whether he was fucking Felix against the wall or Felix was riding him hard on the couch, but it wasn’t because it hurt. It felt like he was being challenged each time, Sylvain pushing and Felix shoving back, the two of them meeting toe to toe, moving a little further every time.

Naked and kneeling on the bed, Felix looked at the items laid out in front of him — the usual lube, a small, petal-shaped vibrator, and a dildo. He picked up the dildo; it wasn’t very big and had a nice soft feel to it. He had one too, a bigger one for clients who liked to have him use it on them. Sylvain sat opposite of him, watching him.

“Are these okay?” Sylvain asked as Felix set it back down.

This was the first time Sylvain had brought up using toys on him. Sylvain liked to tease him, but his preferences were fairly straightforward — he liked to fuck him, liked to have his cock sucked. “Yeah,” he said, taking the lube and falling back against the pillows to prepare himself. “Which one do you want to use first?”

Sylvain picked up the dildo. “I was thinking of using both of them at the same time while I fuck you,” he said casually.

Felix looked at him. Sylvain met his gaze, his head canted, lips curved in a small smile. Felix shifted lower against the pillows, moving his finger to rub against his hole. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“A while,” Sylvain said vaguely, his eyes lowering to watch Felix sink a finger in his ass.

Felix hummed. “Pervert.”

Sylvain leaned forward, lying down on his stomach between Felix’s spread legs, resting his cheek against Felix’s knee. “Can you blame me?” He asked, taking the lube and squeezing some on his own fingers. “You make such nice noises when you’re feeling good.” Wiggling closer, he ran his finger down through his folds, the pad of his finger rubbing against his entrance before sliding in. “Like that cute little whine when I’m all the way inside you.”

Felix glowered, his face warming. He had done anal before, a threesome too, though it was years ago — it was more uncomfortable than anything else to have two cocks inside him. So far, this felt nice, Sylvain matching his rhythm, sliding in a second finger when Felix did the same with his ass.

“I’ll do it,” Sylvain said. Felix pulled out his fingers, taking a deep breath as Sylvain replaced them with his own, stretching him open. His heels dug into the bed. Sylvain’s gaze was fixed on the fingers moving inside him, focused.

“I’m ready if you’re done playing around,” Felix panted when Sylvain had three fingers inside him. Sylvain smiled, pulling out and wiping his fingers clean on a towel. Felix waited for him to lie back on the bed before straddling him, shifting up on his knees to give Sylvain a better angle, his hands resting on his shoulders. Sylvain picked up the dildo, slicking it up before pressing it against his hole. Felix tried to keep his breathing steady, tried to keep his body relaxed as it slid inside him.

“Okay?” Sylvain asked as he gently moved the dildo, pulling it out and pushing it back in.

“Yeah,” Felix breathed. He reached for Sylvain’s cock, shifting forward. “C’mon. I don’t have all day.”

Sylvain’s hand ran down his back as Felix sunk down on his cock. “Easy,” Sylvain murmured. “You can take your time —”

Felix wanted it now. Taking a few more deep breaths, he took in more of him, a quiet whine escaping his lips as Sylvain’s cock filled him.

“There it is,” he heard Sylvain breathe, his forehead falling to rest against Felix’s shoulder, watching. Felix clenched as Sylvain wiggled the dildo. “Oh, fuck, you’re tight.”

He felt dizzy, being stuffed so full. Blinking blearily, Felix finally grasped around for the vibrator. Resting it against his clit, he turned it on, shivering, his hips twitching as he instinctively rubbed against it. Sylvain echoed his soft moan. “Satisfied?” Felix managed to pant out.

With his free hand, Sylvain cupped Felix’s cheek, his thumb running along his bottom lip. Felix met his gaze, opening his mouth to let him slip two fingers inside. “Perfect,” Sylvain said softly. “Just do what feels good, Felix.”

His body feeling like it was fire, Felix rubbed against the vibrator as Sylvain took care of the rest, the dildo, his fingers, his cock all moving inside him. He could hardly think, too many sensations at once, the pleasure of it almost stifling — Felix didn’t know how Sylvain was timing his thrusts perfectly, leaving him agonizingly empty before filling him all the way back up. His fingers closing around Sylvain's wrist, he sucked on Sylvain’s fingers, trying to stifle his moans until he couldn’t, gasping for breath as he stilled in Sylvain’s lap, his thighs cramping. "Sylvain," he warbled, desperate, as Sylvain pressed his fingers down against his tongue.

Sylvain looked up at him, eyes fixed on him like he was in a trance, before he slowly pulled out of his fingers, dragging them down his chin before reaching down to take the vibrator. "I'll take care of you," he said gently, turning it up and moving it for him.

With his hands free, Felix grabbed tight to Sylvain’s shoulders, trying to move with him. Felix wasn’t used to this single-minded focus, wasn’t used to this — Sylvain groaning against his neck, murmuring praises. " — always so fucking incredible,” Sylvain panted.

Felix came with a sob, seeing stars as his orgasm ripped through him. He let out a weak whimper as the dildo was carefully pulled out of him, as Sylvain laid him down on his back. Hiccuping gasps fell from his lips as Sylvain thrust into him, chasing his own release.

"I could fuck you like this all night,” Sylvain breathed, still holding the vibrator against him. Felix clutched at the sheets, crying out as he tumbled headlong into another orgasm, his thighs pressing hard against Sylvain’s hips, his back arching off the bed as Sylvain swore, finishing inside him.

His body finally went slack when Sylvain pulled out. He shook, overstimulated and overwhelmed, his thighs and ass tacky with come and lube, staring up at the ceiling in an exhausted daze, until Sylvain’s face appeared above him.

“You okay?”

Felix could only let out a weak moan.

He didn’t like to linger after appointments and his appointments with Sylvain were no exception. Even when Sylvain tired him out, he always managed to get home before collapsing in his own bed. But right now, he felt dangerously close to letting himself fall asleep, too tired to move. Faintly aware of Sylvain leaving the bed, he didn’t know much time had passed when he felt himself being lifted off the bed, his head lolling and falling against Sylvain’s shoulder.

“Thought I’d help you clean up a bit,” Sylvain said as he carried him to the bathroom. “We made quite a mess.”

Steam rose from the tub, a thick layer of bubbles floating on top of the water. “What are you, five,” Felix mumbled as Sylvain climbed in, lowering the both of them gently, arranging Felix to lay against him as they settled into the hot water, a bit of water sloshing over the rim. Felix sighed, already sweating from the steam, but the water felt nice. It looked milky and smooth, probably from whatever Sylvain had put in the water.

Sylvain remained blessedly quiet, even keeping his hands to himself as they soaked in the water. Felix felt his chest moving against his back, the steady rhythm almost lulling him to sleep. He blinked when he heard the water splashing, felt something drip on his head. He looked in the mirror to see a large dollop of foam on top of his head, Sylvain’s soapy hands fashioning it into a swirl.

“You look like a dessert,” Sylvain said, his chuckle reverberating in the bathroom as Felix glared. “Oh, now there’s an idea for next time.”

“If I see you with a can of whipped cream, I’ll tell you where you can shove it,” Felix muttered darkly.

Sylvain snickered, lathering the foam into his hair. His hands moved down to his neck, his shoulders, rubbing small circles into his skin. Felix squirmed as his hands moved down his chest, brushing over his nipples. A mistake, Felix thought as Sylvain’s hands stopped and then returned to his chest. “Does that feel good?” Sylvain asked, curious.

His chest was flat, but there was still a bit of tender flesh he could never seem to work off. But Felix only hummed; he was too tired to protest and it did feel good, so he let Sylvain do as he pleased.

“You know, I read that skin-to-skin contact can encourage attraction,” Sylvain said as he idly played with his nipples. “Though I guess your job makes you pretty used to that.”

The truth was Felix wasn’t touched very often — Sylvain was the only one who regularly did, being his only client who could afford to. Felix always maintained professionalism with his clients, but Sylvain had a way of getting under his skin. Sometimes Felix wondered if that was why he even tolerated him, if it had just been too long since he had sex, if he was just caught up in it. Intimacy was intimacy, after all. “Even if that were true, you’d find a way to piss me off.”

Sylvain lifted him out of the water, pulling Felix’s arm around his neck and readjusting him in his lap. “Mm, probably,” he agreed, leaning down to mouth at his chest, his teeth catching onto his nipple. Felix groaned as Sylvain slid a hand between his legs. “They’re like little cherries. How about ice cream?”

“I’m blocking your number,” Felix ground out as Sylvain sucked on his nipple, his fingers pressing inside him.

“I’ll miss you,” Sylvain said, like he knew Felix wouldn’t, and the most infuriating thing was that he was right.

-

Domming was more comfortable for him. It had a certain kind of structure that suited him, rules that could be put in place. Insults had always rolled off his tongue easier than compliments; when it came to being a dom, that actually worked to his advantage. He didn’t find personal pleasure inflicting pain but he was good at it; the work was steady and paid well. Over the years, he had gotten better at figuring out what the client needed, knowing the signs to look for.

So when Sylvain expressed interest in a session, Felix found that he was looking forward to seeing how it would go.

“Hmm.” Sylvain held up a pair of metal handcuffs. “You don’t have the fuzzy kind?”

Still setting up, Felix rolled his eyes. Sylvain had chosen to be vague again — _surprise me :),_ he had said when Felix asked what kind of session he wanted. Just because Sylvain liked having sex didn’t necessarily mean he would be kinky so Felix had brought a small assortment of things — handcuffs, rope, clamps, a few toys and tools — to see if anything drew his interest.

Everything in place, Felix turned back to Sylvain, who was still taking everything into consideration. “Did you figure out your safeword?” Felix asked.

Sylvain looked up. “I read that ‘red’ was common. So I’ll go with that.”

Felix nodded. It seemed Sylvain had done at least some of the reading he sent him. He wasn’t going to go hard at Sylvain’s first session, but precautions still needed to be taken. He watched Sylvain carefully, seeing his gaze linger on the rope and the riding crop a few times. “We’ll try these,” Felix said, picking them up. “Alright?”

“Sounds good.”

Putting away the rest, Felix turned back to Sylvain. “Strip.”

“Are you going to too?” Sylvain asked as he obeyed.

“No. On the bed,” he said once Sylvain was bare. “Lay on your stomach.”

Sylvain settled on his stomach, turning his head so he could look at him. “Well, you look very sharp.”

Felix was dressed in what he usually wore for these appointments, a dress shirt and slacks. He cast Sylvain a look as he bent Sylvain’s arms behind his back, binding his wrists together. “Pull your knees in.”

Sylvain’s ass lifted up in the air, the rest of him pressed down on the bed. Felix hummed, his gaze sweeping down his body. Sylvain watched him, looking rather smug for someone who was tied up. “Am I allowed to talk?”

“Yes. Tell me how it feels,” Felix answered. It was his first time so he wanted to hear feedback. “Comfortable?”

Sylvain tested the rope, pulling. “More comfortable than I thought.” He looked back at him. “Though I’m guessing that’ll change soon.”

Felix picked up the riding crop. “Only a little.”

Sylvain wiggled as Felix trailed the riding crop down his thigh. Another good thing about Sylvain’s body — he had a generous ass, no shortage of skin to smack.

“If you want me to stop at any point, you use your safeword,” he reminded him. “Any places you’d like me to avoid?”

“You have free reign.”

Felix didn’t have feelings about his clients, being fairly detached. But with Sylvain, having slept with him so many times, he did feel a certain satisfaction seeing him like this, having him at his mercy for once. He reminded himself to reign it in. He gave Sylvain a testing hit, right on his ass, Sylvain letting out a dramatic “owww”. Still, Felix had to ask, “Was that okay?”

Sylvain let out a breath and smirked. “You can do better than that.”

Eyes narrowing, Felix hit the other cheek with the same amount of force. “I’m aware.” Another hit. “Face forward.”

He started easy before he slowly ramped up the intensity. Sylvain’s skin glowed brighter with every stroke as Sylvain grunted, his hands clenching each time the riding crop snapped across his skin. “Mm.” Sylvain shifted up higher on his knees. “You work out?”

“I box,” Felix answered, watching Sylvain squirm. “Still okay?”

“Yes,” Sylvain panted, his voice muffled in the pillow. He twitched, letting out a quiet whine when Felix only touched him lightly with the riding crop, only to gasp when Felix struck him again. “ _Yes_.”

Felix ran his tongue along his bottom lip, a rare heat curling in his spine. “You’re really begging for it,” he murmured, rounding the bed. With the riding crop, he coaxed Sylvain’s face out of the pillow, tilting his chin up. Sylvain’s face was flushed, his lips red and teeth-bitten, his breathing heavy. Felix canted his head. Sylvain did look quite good like this. “Do you want me to stop?”

Sylvain swallowed and shook his head.

Watching him carefully, Felix nodded. Moving back around, Felix hit a little lower to give Sylvain’s ass a rest, hitting right where his thigh met his ass. Same as before, he gradually increased the intensity, monitoring Sylvain’s reactions. Sylvain was usually talkative during sex, but he was slowly becoming quieter, his answers reduced to short, nearly inaudible grunts when he was hit. Felix frowned, looking at Sylvain’s hands. He had stopped struggling against the rope.

“Sylvain?”

Sylvain only mumbled, his face slowly turning when Felix called his name again. His breathing was unsteady, his gaze unfocused, but it seemed different from the kind of daze his clients found themselves in when they felt pleasure. Felix looked down Sylvain’s body — Sylvain was completely soft, his thighs shaking.

“I’m going to untie you now,” Felix said, setting down the riding crop and quickly loosening the rope. When he reached out to help Sylvain roll over onto his side, Sylvain flinched away from him; Felix paused and withdrew, his stomach sinking with dread. “How do you feel?”

Sylvain blinked. It took a few moments for him to respond. “‘M fine,” he answered, strained, wincing when he tried to lay on his back. “I think I’m gonna feel this for a few days.”

His voice was scratchy and rough. Felix went over to the fridge to retrieve a few things, then the bathroom to get a towel. He wrapped the towel around the soft ice pack he had stored earlier. “Sit on this. It’ll keep it from swelling.”

Sylvain shook his head, waving him off as he tried to lay comfortably on his side instead. “The point is to have it hurt, isn’t it?”

A long moment passed. “That’s not the point.”

When Sylvain looked at him again, Felix took the chance to stick the ice pack under his bottom before pulling the blanket up around Sylvain, careful to move slowly, to not touch him directly. Sylvain still seemed a little disoriented; Felix handed him some painkillers and water, watching him swallow them down. He clenched his hands, mentally chiding himself -- he was better than this. He should have realized earlier that Sylvain wasn’t enjoying it. His familiarity with Sylvain led him to think he knew Sylvain more than he really did. It never felt good to realize he had gone too far.

“What do you want right now?” Felix asked. Sylvain looked confused. “This isn’t a trick question. Is there anything I can get for you? Do you want to be alone?”

“No,” Sylvain said immediately. He paused, looked around, and then pulled open the blanket. “Maybe — just sit with me?”

Felix nodded, moving slowly as he climbed in. He let Sylvain touch him first before he moved closer, tucking himself against his side. To his relief, he felt Sylvain relax against him, his arm winding around his waist. “I want to touch you,” Sylvain said quietly. “I mean, not like — I just want to touch your skin.”

Felix unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it aside. He had barely managed to push his pants down before Sylvain had his hand on him, curling against his bare hip. His hand was cold and clammy. Felix checked his wrists while Sylvain stroked his hip; Sylvain didn’t struggle much against the rope, so there were only light pink marks that would fade in a few hours. Once Felix was done, Sylvain pulled him in closer, sighing into Felix’s hair.

“Do you do this with all of your clients?” Sylvain asked.

Felix managed to slip off his pants, pressing his body against his. “I take care of any injuries and stay until they calm down, unless they don’t want me to. It’s a standard practice.”

“I didn’t know it was that involved.”

“It can be overwhelming, even for people who enjoy pain,” Felix said. “Everyone reacts differently, needs different things afterwards.”

Felix was no expert, no matter how many stories he heard from clients who shared their troubles with him; he only had what he learned from experience, what he learned from other doms. Everyone had their own reasons for hiring him; he knew some clients found pleasure in the pain, some that used it as an outlet for their stress. He knew that it was possible for traumas to surface during these sessions, that they manifested in all kinds of ways, varying from person to person. But it wouldn’t help to guess. He gave Sylvain a few more minutes before speaking again.

“You weren’t enjoying it,” he said. “Why didn’t you use your safeword?”

Sylvain made a vague noise. “I thought I was enjoying it a little,” he admitted. “Not sure if it felt good per se, but it sort of felt right.” He scratched his cheek. “Like…I don’t know.”

The silence dragged on. Felix watched Sylvain carefully, how he avoided his gaze, recalling how he had flinched away from him. A far cry from the confident man he was used to, Sylvain had turned withdrawn, hesitant. Felix never thought he’d prefer to have a client crying into his shoulder instead. “What were you thinking about?” He asked as delicately as he could.

Sylvain was quiet for a long while. “My brother,” he finally answered. “My old man kicked him out when I was little, not long after my brother realized he was going to have to share the family fortune with me.” Sylvain took a deep breath, shooting Felix a reassuring smile. “It was a long time ago.”

Felix watched Sylvain’s hand move idly over his thigh. He wanted to hold it. “Things like that can stay with you.”

“Yeah,” Sylvain said. “I can’t find it in me to blame him though. We both grew up being told our worth was in our money. It messed me up too when I was younger, made me hurt a lot of people, not that I’m much better now.” A huff. “As you well know.”

Feeling strangely helpless, Felix brushed his hand over his arm. “That doesn’t mean you deserved any of it.” He sighed when Sylvain was silent. “There’s plenty of people who will make you feel like shit for free, Sylvain. I’m not interested in having you pay me to do it too.”

After a moment, Sylvain rested his head on his. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, like he was the one who had hurt him.

“It’s fine.” Sylvain’s thumb stroked his skin, comforting himself, comforting him. “I’ll stay the night if you need me to.”

“Just until I fall asleep is fine.” Sylvain offered him a small smile. “I don’t want to trouble you more than I already have.”

Felix didn’t know what to say to that as Sylvain gingerly moved down to lie down, keeping his head pressed against his hip, his hand on his thigh. Felix stayed, his hand resting on Sylvain’s head, idly stroking his hair. When Sylvain’s breathing evened out, Felix pulled away and moved slowly off the bed, careful to keep him tucked under the blankets. He scribbled instructions on how to take care of the bruises, leaving the ice packs and painkillers with him, and left.

-

_How are you feeling?_

_Pretty good. I followed all of your instructions.  
Just kinda hard to sit still haha_

_Keep it up until the pain stops.  
Let me know if you need anything._

_Ok :) How are you?_

_Fine_

_Glad to hear. Maybe we can try something different next time ;)_

_Though I’m getting hard in this meeting right now. Is that normal?_

_Thanks for checking in on me_

-

Outside of work, Felix had a fairly uneventful life. He went out with friends every now and then, but spent time by himself for the most part. He worked out at the gym, stayed in playing video games, treated himself to dinners when he met clients downtown. He didn’t have to be careful about where he went; on the rare occasion he saw a client in public, not once had they ever stopped to acknowledge him aside from a glance, only giving him a curt nod at best. Most people didn’t feel compelled to stop and chat with someone who regularly saw them in compromising positions, as it defeated the purpose of Felix signing an NDA.

Needless to say, he didn’t think he’d ever find himself having dinner with a client.

“You didn’t need to pay for me, Felix,” Sylvain said, balancing his plate in one hand and still trying to get his wallet with the other.

Felix glanced at him, sliding his card back into his pocket. “It’s not a big deal,” Felix muttered.

They squeezed into a small booth in the corner of the kebab shop, their knees knocking against each other before settling in. It was nearly empty this late on a weeknight, save for the one employee who was now watching a football game on his phone behind the register. Felix took a sip of his soda, his stomach rumbling as he looked at his doner kebab, stuffed full of fragrant lamb and slathered in hot sauce, glancing up at Sylvain, who was busy mixing up his rice plate, though it was more salad than rice.

People could be wildly different outside of the privacy of a bedroom. His clients were mostly business types like Sylvain, the kind that were too busy to give anyone the time of day, which suited him just fine. Sylvain, however, didn’t seem different in the slightest, overly casual and friendly like always. They had run into each other purely by chance — Sylvain was the one who saw him first, calling out to him on the street, having just come out of work when Felix was wandering downtown after an appointment, looking for something to eat. Sylvain ended up tagging along, having not eaten dinner yet.

Even under the dingy fluorescent light, Sylvain looked good — he had tucked his suit jacket beside him, the sleeves of his dress shirt neatly rolled up to his elbows, a thin gold tie pin holding his maroon silk tie in place. Felix imagined if anyone saw them, they’d just look like coworkers. Felix turned his attention to his food before he got caught staring, picking up his kebab and taking a large bite. He usually avoided eating before meeting clients, which left him ravenously hungry afterward.

“You don’t have your hair tied up.” Felix looked up, chewing. “I don’t see it down a lot. It suits you.”

Even if his mouth wasn’t full, Felix wouldn’t know how to respond to that. He elected to nod, the two of them settling into silence as they ate.

“So,” Sylvain spoke up again, “what got you into your line of work anyway?”

To Sylvain’s credit, he had held out the longest in asking Felix this particular question. Felix wiped his mouth with a napkin, looking at him. “We’re not going to do the whole thing where you think you need to save me or some shit, are we?”

Sylvain chuckled. “Somehow I can’t imagine you doing anything you don’t want to do,” he said. “I guess I’ve always held certain assumptions about the kind of work you do. I’m only curious.”

Felix took a sip of his soda. In his earlier years, he had run into a couple clients who thought they needed to help him before he learned to find clients who respected his privacy or simply didn’t care about him beyond the service he provided. He still wasn’t quite sure where Sylvain landed between the two. “A friend introduced me to it,” he eventually answered. “She was a dom for a few years. I was looking for a job and she suggested that I give it a try. I ended up taking some of her regulars when she decided to move on to something else.”

Sylvain hummed, tapping his fork against the rim of his plate. “The friend with the wedding in the French Alps?” He guessed.

“Mm.”

“You enjoy it?”

Felix shrugged. “It’s just like any other job. It’s work.”

“Surely not all the time.”

Felix looked up, seeing that obnoxiously confident smile he was unfortunately very familiar with, the one he saw whenever Sylvain managed to coax out Felix’s voice. Felix imagined this was the closest he would get to feeling like one of his clients. “It has its moments,” Felix mumbled, looking away and taking another bite of food.

Letting out a quiet laugh, Sylvain scraped his fork against his plate. “Does your family know about it?”

Felix tugged down the paper wrapped around his kebab. “They have an idea of it,” he said. “But I’m not very close with them these days.”

Sylvain nodded. “I can’t imagine dating is easy.”

“I don’t date, so it’s not a problem.”

“Guess we’re the same,” Sylvain said. “I gave up on dating years ago.”

Felix raised an eyebrow. “I remember you saying you were coming out of a relationship. Rather, a few of them.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’d call them relationships,” Sylvain said wryly. “It’s never anything serious. They stick around for the money.”

While Felix didn’t doubt that people like that actually did exist, there was an edge to Sylvain’s voice, something strangely callous. “Do they say that to your face?”

“It’s something you sort of pick up on after a while,” Sylvain cocked his head. “You’ve really never been curious about what I do?”

Felix had a few guesses, but he never felt compelled to pry. It wasn’t like it was information he could use or share, not that he was interested in that either. “It’s none of my business.”

Sylvain huffed a laugh. “A real professional,” he mused. “I work a corporate job, so I’m always dealing with people with ulterior motives, people who are always looking to get that edge over you. A lot of people who will say whatever they think you want to hear. You’d be surprised how similar it is to dating.”

Finishing the last bite, Felix rested his elbows on the table. “It’s still different, isn’t it?” He asked. “The point of dating is to get to know the person you’re with. It’s not exactly strange for them to ask personal questions.”

“Relationship advice too, huh?” Sylvain leaned his cheek on his hand. “You sure have a wide range of services.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “All I’m saying is that people probably don’t think about you and your money as much as you think they do. Maybe there’s something else they like about you.” When Sylvain looked at him curiously, Felix glared, quickly adding, “Though I can’t imagine what.”

Sylvain hummed, the corner of his lip twitching. “Guess I’m just used to thinking the worst of people.”

For someone who smiled and joked around so much, Sylvain was unexpectedly cynical. “No one can read minds. Take people at their word,” Felix suggested. “It’s easier that way.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“It’s how I’ve always been,” Felix said with a shrug.

Sylvain chuckled, “I don’t doubt that.”

They settled back into silence, exchanging idle chatter while Felix waited for Sylvain to finish — “You’re a surprisingly big eater,” Sylvain commented in between delicate bites to which Felix replied, “You’re like a rabbit when you eat too.” In the background, Felix could hear the cheering from the football game, the rotating spits whirring faintly, the hum of the fridge. Sylvain didn’t seem to mind Felix watching him as he cleaned his plate of every bit of food. It was strangely captivating to watch Sylvain’s hands move here, knowing how they felt on his body, to see him doing something as mundane as eating.

“You know,” Sylvain said as he wiped his mouth, tossing his napkin on his plate. “It feels like I’ve known you all my life.”

A bored look fixed on his face, Felix met his gaze. “Has that line ever worked for you?”

Sylvain grinned. He reached out to take Felix’s soda, taking a long sip, noisily slurping up the last of it. “Not yet.”

-

Sylvain insisted on dessert. When they came across the ice cream shop, Felix leveled Sylvain with an annoyed look, though Sylvain didn’t see as he was busy charming the young lady about to lock up the store into holding off for just a few more minutes. He waited outside, tugging at the collar of his shirt, a little warm. At least the nights came with a breeze now that they were at the tail-end of summer.

The bell of the door rang as Sylvain emerged, triumphantly bearing two cones piled high. “You don’t strike me as someone who likes sweets, but it didn’t feel right not to get you something,” Sylvain said, handing him one of the cones. Felix eyed it with some suspicion, giving it a small lick. His lips puckered as the tart citrusy taste spread on his tongue — lemon sorbet. He heard Sylvain laugh. Felix glared, though it lacked heat as he licked again. It _was_ good. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a dessert.

Not about to take a towering ice cream cone onto the train like a toddler, Felix could only follow Sylvain to a nearby park, the two of them quietly eating their ice cream — “Peaches and cream,” Sylvain said when he offered Felix a taste, which Felix declined. Despite knowing each other for months now, they were still essentially strangers, yet it felt comfortable to have Sylvain walking beside him, their shoulders bumping every few steps.

“How are you feeling?” He asked after some deliberation. Sylvain looked at him. “Since last time.”

“All good now. I was actually meaning to make an appointment in the next few days.” Sylvain smiled. “You’re welcome to do a thorough inspection then if you’d like.”

“No thanks,” Felix grumbled, regretting that he asked, eliciting a laugh from Sylvain. Clearly, he had worried for nothing.

They came across a bridge, the river running quietly below them, the occasional car driving past. Felix heard Sylvain’s footsteps stop; Sylvain was looking out over the water.

“Thanks for letting me drag you around,” Sylvain told him. “It’s been a rough few days.”

Sylvain did look tired, more than usual; it had been a few weeks since he’d seen him, though Felix had chalked it up to him still recovering from their last session. “I didn’t have anything else to do,” Felix said, scuffing his shoe against the ground.

“Then I guess I’m glad I was tolerable today.”

Leaning his elbows on the railing, Felix looked out at the water too, the warm wind blowing through his hair. “You’re not that bad.”

Sylvain let out a huff. “How is it that you’re nicer to me now than you are when we have sex?”

“Because you’re insufferable when we have sex.”

Sylvain chuckled. “You really are blunt. You’d make a terrible businessman.”

He couldn’t disagree there. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like someone.”

“Hm.” Sylvain tossed his jacket over his shoulder, leaning on the railing beside him. “I like that about you. I always know where I stand with you.”

Felix glanced over at him. “Do people really suck up to you that much?”

“It’s the nature of the business. People who hate your guts will smile and joke around with you like you’re friends.” Sylvain chuckled. "Can’t say I’m any better. No one knows me. Not really.”

“I don’t know you either,” Felix pointed out.

“It doesn’t feel that way. I never feel like I need to hide anything from you.”

When Felix looked at him, Sylvain was looking back, his gaze open and sincere. Felix blinked, not sure what to say.

A smile spread on Sylvain’s lips. “Ah, I got you that time.”

Felix glared, embarrassed. “Fuck you.”

A car rushed past behind them, swallowing up the sound of Sylvian’s laughter as Felix turned away, hiding the flush on his face.

-

Despite their disastrous first time, Sylvain booked Felix for another session. Felix agreed, only after Sylvain swore he would tell him if he needed to stop.

“No bag?” Sylvain asked, his head poking out from the bedroom as Felix closed the door behind him.

“I thought I’d try something different,” Felix said as he walked over, taking off his jacket and setting his things on the table. “Go and undress.”

Sylvain glanced curiously over his shoulder as he took off his clothes. By now, they had seen each other naked enough that it was hardly something to bat an eye at, though it didn’t feel as though Sylvain had gotten tired of him. “Oh?” He uttered, intrigued as he saw Felix pull a black leather collar out of his jacket pocket.

Felix had wracked his brain for ideas on what to do with Sylvain until he finally settled on this one. He turned around, waiting for Sylvain to finish undressing. “Is this okay?”

Sylvain smiled, leaning down. Felix glared at him, annoyed. “Are you going to make me beg tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Felix said as he fastened the collar around Sylvain’s neck, noting how Sylvain seemed a little disappointed. Adjusting it so the ring hung down the front, Felix glanced up at him. “How does it feel?”

Sylvain turned his neck, testing it. “It’s really soft. Lambskin?”

“Mm.” Felix didn’t want the collar to cut into his skin. “Is it tight?”

“It’s okay, I think,” he said. His eyes flicked to Felix’s. “Should it be tighter?”

“I just want you to know it’s there.” Felix didn’t bring the leash; he didn’t think he was going to need it. He stepped away to undress as well, down to his underwear, the same pair of panties he wore the first time he met Sylvain. Judging by the faint smile on Sylvain’s face, he recognized it. He loosened his hair too; he only tied it up partly out of habit, partly because he thought it made him look more severe. “Safeword?”

“Red,” Sylvain said. “So what do you want me to do?”

It was rare for Felix to feel nervous, especially after years of doing this, but he had never done this kind of play before, wasn’t this kind of dom. “You don’t need to do anything,” he said. “I don’t want you to speak. I don’t want you to think about anything. All you have to do is obey my commands. If I ask for something you don’t want to do, you use your safeword. If I feel like you’re hesitating, I’ll stop too.” Felix met his gaze. “Answer if you understand.”

Sylvain nodded, his tongue running along his bottom lip. “I understand.”

Felix backed up, sitting on the edge of the bed. He took in the sight; even something as simple as a black collar looked good on Sylvain. He spread his legs. “Come here.”

Sylvain’s eyes widened before he stepped forward, falling to his knees without Felix needing to ask. A natural, Felix thought. “Hands to yourself,” he ordered when Sylvain’s fingers brushed against his legs.

Sylvain quickly pressed his hands down on his thighs, looking up at him. Sylvain always projected an image of confidence, but Felix knew now it was only a facade. With intimacy had come familiarity, a natural trust; as they spent more time together, Felix began to notice things about Sylvain — how he liked to please him, how he liked to mouth off but always followed Felix’s lead when he took it, how he always made sure Felix enjoyed it too, no matter how selfish Sylvain claimed to be.

Felix reached down to stroke his cheek, to run his fingers through his soft hair, scraping his nails lightly against his scalp, watching Sylvain’s eyes flutter. Sylvain’s lips parted, his breaths loud in the silence of the room. Felix wanted to see what Sylvain was like when he was undone. When Felix pushed, Sylvain always pushed back. Perhaps it would work the other way. Vulnerability wasn’t the same for everyone. If it was easy for Sylvain to open himself to pain, maybe what he needed was to open himself to kindness.

If Felix gave in, maybe Sylvain would too.

Felix stroked his hair. “You want to be a good boy for me, don’t you?”

Sylvain’s eyes darkened as he nodded, swallowing.

His confidence growing, Felix pulled his head slowly forward, giving Sylvain the chance to resist, but Sylvain let him lead him, his nose pressing against Felix’s crotch. Felix could feel him breathe slowly, deeply, his mouth opening as his tongue ran against the thin fabric. Felix shivered as Sylvain sighed, rubbing his face against him.

Felix moved back, Sylvain’s face falling into the bed with a dismayed grunt. Felix huffed a laugh as he leaned back to pull down his panties slowly, watching Sylvain watch him, eager, waiting. This was what he wanted to see, Sylvain’s face slack with desire. Once the panties were off, Felix set his feet against Sylvain’s shoulders, keeping him at a distance as he reached a hand between his legs. He felt awkward, something akin to shyness; this was the closest he’d been to showing off, the closest thing to foreplay he’d ever done with someone.

“You’re starving, aren’t you?” Felix breathed, trying not to think too much about what he was saying as he touched himself, teasing himself with a finger, growing more aroused as Sylvain watched in rapt attention. “It’s been a long time since someone’s fed you, hasn’t it?”

Sylvain whined; Felix could feel his warm breath skating across his skin. Sylvain looked up at him, desperate and pleading. Felix hummed, reaching down with his other hand to gently scratch behind his ear.

“Be patient and I’ll reward you,” he said softly. “I’ll make it good for you.”

He watched Sylvain grow more and more restless, panting. Once he was wet, he held out his finger for Sylvain to clean. Sylvain took it in his mouth eagerly, groaning as Felix pulled his finger out, as he settled back on the bed, his feet sliding down Sylvain’s back.

“Very good,” he praised, touching his chin. “Only your tongue for now. Gently.”

Sylvain let out a small, displeased whine, but obeyed. He ran his tongue slowly up his cunt, lapping lightly, looking up at Felix expectantly. He wanted more praise.

“Mm,” Felix sighed. “That feels really nice.”

Sylvain flushed with pride, rubbing his tongue against his clit. He felt Sylvain’s hands touch his hips. Sylvain’s gaze flicked to his and he quickly pulled away. “It’s okay. You can touch me.” He pulled Sylvain’s hands back toward him, settling them on his body. “You just want to make me feel good, don’t you?”

Sylvain hummed, nodding, his mouth still on him as his hands ran down his thighs, up his belly.

“Go on then,” Felix breathed. “You’ve earned it.”

Felix let out a shaky moan, his toes curling as Sylvain sucked on his clit, as he kissed and stroked him with his tongue. Sylvain was insatiable, eating him out like his life depended on it, like it was all he wanted to do, his hands moving up Felix’s chest, his fingers rubbing his nipples.

“Fuck — such a hungry pet,” Felix gasped, his back arching off the bed, his hands burying in Sylvain’s hair as Sylvain pressed his face harder against him. “God — your mouth — Sylvain —”

The more he praised Sylvain, the harder Sylvain worked — he felt Sylvain’s teeth on the meat of his inner thigh, biting, his tongue dragging against the sensitive skin. Sylvain lifted Felix’s hips off the bed, his hands gripping his thighs as he fucked him with his tongue. Felix groaned, lost in the feeling of Sylvain’s mouth on him, in the moans he could feel inside him every time he tugged on Sylvain’s hair, every time he pressed his thighs against Sylvain’s cheeks.

Gasping as he came, he rolled his hips, feeling Sylvain suck on him, his tongue drawing out his orgasm until he was trembling, falling back flat on the bed. By the time he could see straight, Sylvain was still buried between his legs, gently licking him clean, his hands stroking his thighs.

Felix brushed his fingers against his cheek. His hair a mess, Sylvain looked up at him, dazed and well-fucked, his chin dripping with spit and come. “You’ve made a mess,” Felix murmured, running his thumb across his lips, pressing it into his mouth. “Did you enjoy your meal?”

Sylvain nodded, nuzzling his palm. Felix patted the bed and Sylvain climbed up, curling up beside him. Felix combed down his hair with his fingers, touched the collar, tugging lightly on the ring, watching Sylvain’s eyes darken as he did. Running a hand down Sylvain’s warm body, he hummed when he reached for his cock, only to find it already wet.

“Were you touching yourself?” Felix asked. Sylvain shook his head, his eyes darting away. Felix licked his lips, pleasure settling in his belly. “Oh, you liked it that much, did you?”

Sylvain sighed, his hips twitching against Felix’s hand, still raring to go. Felix stroked down his body a few more times before he reached for the collar, removing it and setting it aside, signalling the end of the play.

“You did very well, Sylvain,” Felix said gently as Sylvain relaxed against him. “Want me to return the favor?”

Sylvain smiled faintly. “Please.”

Felix herded Sylvain up the bed, letting him settle comfortably back against the pillows before leaning down, sucking his cock while Sylvain carded his fingers through his hair. Sylvain was quieter than usual, but he was enjoying it, his head tilted back against the headboard, his eyes closed. He told Felix when he was close, groaning when Felix swallowed him down, sitting back on his haunches, looking up to meet Sylvain’s gaze, soft and adoring.

“C'mere,” Sylvain breathed, his hands reaching for him. Felix let him pull him into his arms, pulling the blanket up around them. Now that they were out of the roleplay, Felix felt raw, embarrassed, but it settled him to see Sylvain smile at him, to feel his body against his. He knew he needed to ask Sylvain how he was feeling, but it seemed they were both content.

“That was really nice,” Sylvain said after a long while. “Did you enjoy it?”

Felix blinked slowly, falling in and out of sleep. “As long as you enjoyed it,” was all he said, feeling Sylvain pull him closer.

Like before, he left when Sylvain fell asleep, returning to his apartment. As he crawled into bed, he thought about how it felt to have Sylvain's arms around him, how easy it would've been to simply fall asleep like that. He wasn’t used to being held. But the strangest thing about it was that it didn’t feel strange at all.

-

For a stretch in January, Sylvain asked if it was possible for him to clear his nights for the whole month. _You can stay at the hotel if you’d like, but I’ll leave it up to you ;)_ , Sylvain had said in his text.

Sylvain quickly promised he wasn’t planning some insane sex marathon before Felix could reply with a decisive _no_ , telling him he just wanted to make sure he was available. Though accepting would give him ample opportunity to experience the full comforts of the suite, the idea of being at Sylvain’s beck and call didn’t sit well with him. As a compromise, Felix told him he’d try to keep the nights open, since Sylvain tended to schedule his appointments fairly late anyway, and said he could contact him if he decided he wanted to hire him for the night.

If Felix made plans to have his dinners in the area for the month, well, it didn’t hurt to be prepared.

Sure enough, Sylvain texted him in the late afternoon when Felix was on the train. Felix replied, telling him to let him know when he was done with work, then went to eat, treating himself to a nice steak dinner.

 _I’m having a drink with a coworker after work if you’d like to join,_ Sylvain texted him just after Felix had gotten his check. _We can take a car together after._

Felix’s immediate instinct was to decline, but then Sylvain mentioned the bar had a good whiskey selection and he texted back, _what’s the address._

Upon arriving at the bar, Felix scanned the crowd, spotting Sylvain’s red hair easily at the bar. Sliding past the other patrons, Felix managed to make his way over, Sylvain turning and spotting him before moving to make room beside him.

“Hey,” Sylvain greeted, smiling. Felix found himself squeezed against Sylvain’s side by another patron, Sylvain laughing a little when Felix glowered at the back of their head. “Sorry, this place gets pretty busy.”

Cold from the walk over, Felix tried not to burrow in Sylvain’s warmth. “It’s fine.”

“What do you want to drink?” Sylvain asked, his card already in hand. His cheeks were a little pink, his smile even laxer than usual. “You can order whatever you want.”

Felix gave the bartender his drink order, snatching the card out of Sylvain’s hand before he could react and giving the bartender a bill instead. Sylvain pouted as Felix handed it back to him once he got his change. “So what’s the occasion? Something good happen?”

“Other than seeing you?” Sylvain grinned while Felix rolled his eyes. “Nah, this is just a sort of tradition I have with a colleague of mine. Work picks up this time of year so we come here to have a drink and complain.”

“So that’s why you wanted me around for the month,” Felix said as the bartender set their drinks down in front of them. “Stress relief.”

“Something like that,” Sylvain said with a grin. He pushed off the bar, touching Felix’s elbow. “C’mon, we’ve got a table.”

Sylvain weaved through the crowd, leading Felix through. “Does your coworker know about me?" Felix asked.

“Well, I’ve mentioned you in passing,” Sylvain said. “I told him you’re a friend.”

Felix hummed, trying to think of some vague answers if they asked what he did for a living. He supposed he could bear a few minutes of small talk.

At least, he thought he could, until he saw who it was.

“Hey, sorry it took so long,” Sylvain said once they got to the table. “Dimitri, this is my friend, Felix. Felix, this is —”

“I know who he is,” Felix cut in.

Across the small table, Dimitri stood, his gaze shifting away, darting around like he didn’t know where to look. Sylvain blinked, looking at Felix. “You do?”

Dimitri squirmed as Felix stared him down. When it became clear Dimitri wasn’t going to say anything, Felix decided to put him out of his mercy. “I think I’ve seen him on a magazine cover at the store. CEO of Faerghus Financial.” He took a sip of his drink. “Or something like that.”

“Hey, I’ve been in some magazines too,” Sylvain mumbled gloomily. “You’ve never recognized me.”

Felix cast him a side-long glance. “Maybe if you worked a little harder and got a cover feature, I would have.”

Dimitri looked between them before he cleared his throat, fixing a smile on his face. “Ah, well, it’s nice to meet you, Felix.”

With that smoothed over, Felix listened to them talk about work, about unreasonable clients and their demands. Every now and then, Sylvain would explain the stories, Felix nodding politely, agreeing when Sylvain asked if it was ridiculous. Dimitri kept glancing at him, unsubtle as always, and Sylvain did too, perceptive as always, though he didn’t comment on it. Sylvain’s presence grounded him, but every time Sylvain laughed, every time he teased Dimtri, made a joke he didn’t get, Felix felt his chest tighten. He almost thought he could bear it until Sylvain excused himself to go to the restroom, leaving the two of them alone at the table.

Dimitri tapped his fingers on the table. Felix nursed his drink, even though all he wanted to do was order five more. He hadn’t seen Dimitri in years, not since he left home. “So,” Dimitri spoke up, “you’re the one Sylvain’s been talking about.”

Keeping his face carefully blank, Felix glanced at him, silent, though his stomach turned. What kind of things did Sylvain say about him?

“Are you still…” Dimitri made a face like this was the last thing he wanted to talk about. “Working?”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Yes,” he said flatly, just to see Dimitri squirm again. He set down his glass. He supposed this was unavoidable. “So what, Sylvain works for you?”

“We acquired his father’s company a few years ago," Dimitri told him. "He started out helping with sales but ever since he took over for his father, he’s been consulting on a number of things. He’s a sharp guy.”

Felix hummed. It explained how close they were.

Dimitri ran a hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable. “I know Sylvain has a certain reputation,” he finally managed to say. “I know you can’t tell me if he’s hired you, but if he’s bothering you or maybe misinterpreting something —”

His temper flared. ““What, you can’t imagine anyone spending time with me unless they’re paying to fuck me?”

Dimitri sighed. “Felix, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“What exactly does it mean then?” Felix bit out.

“We might not be as close as we used to be, but I still know you,” Dimitri said. “I know Sylvain. You can’t blame me for finding it a little strange, can you?”

Felix clenched his jaw, irritated. “Fuck off.”

“I’m just trying to look out for you —”

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix saw Sylvain come out of the restroom. He drained his glass, setting it down on the table with a little more force than necessary, turning to Sylvain when he got back to the table. “I’m going to wait outside. You can come find me when you’re done.”

Sylvain blinked, confused, though he nodded. Felix turned around, only to hear Dimitri speak, “Felix, I didn’t mean —”

Felix rounded to face Dimitri, hopefully for the last time. “Mind your own fucking business for once,” he hissed.

With that, he left, pushing back through the crowd, stepping out into the cold, heading off to the side to wait. He felt numb, his mind empty — he almost didn’t notice when Sylvain emerged soon after, looking around before spotting him. Felix hoped he wasn’t going to ask as Sylvain approached, stopping beside him.

Felix looked up. Sylvain only smiled. “Shall we go?”

-

“So,” Sylvain said as Felix walked into the bedroom. “you and Dimitri.”

Felix didn’t say a word as he set his things on the table, putting his phone on silent as usual. He had never thought about how familiar he was with this room now, the motions of moving through it, the way the warm light lulled him into a sense of comfort. Like an animal in a cage, but he never felt trapped.

“Is it the sort of thing where you’re not allowed to talk about it?”

He was used to hearing Sylvain’s voice in this room. In the bar, over the music and conversations, his voice was muddled, distant. He didn’t like it. Here, it was always clear, always close, whispered in his ear, against his skin. “It’s the sort of thing where I don’t want to talk about it,” Felix muttered as he undressed. “Besides, we’re not here to talk.”

By now, Felix knew how to read Sylvain’s moods, his body language. Knew when Sylvain wanted it hard and fast, when he wanted to take his time. Standing bare, Felix turned to look at him. He had never seen Sylvain like this, tense, his lips drawn taut. Sylvain still found ways to surprise him; this was the first time he’d seen Sylvain annoyed. Angry, even. “I guess not.”

When Sylvain didn’t move, Felix walked up to him, reaching up to loosen his tie, unbuttoning his shirt for him before running his hands down his chest. “Stress relief, right?” Felix asked. He thought of the things Sylvain liked, things he knew because he had been with him so many times. Because Sylvain hired him so many times. He pulled off his hair tie, letting his hair loose. “It’s been a while since you’ve been rough with me.”

Sylvain caught his wrist, his grip firm. “Is that what you want?”

Felix met his gaze. He had made a mistake. He had forgotten this was just a job, that Sylvain got something out of being with him. “This has never been about what I want.”

Sylvain looked into his eyes, searching. “You may be straightforward, but you’re not very honest, are you?” He said softly.

Before Felix could say a word, Sylvain leaned in to kiss him. Felix froze; he didn’t know what to do with his body, with his hands — he didn’t kiss his clients. His eyes wide open as Sylvain pulled away, Felix breathed shakily as Sylvain looked back at him, releasing his wrist to cup his cheek. Sylvain tilted his chin up, slotting their lips together again; Felix moaned as Sylvain’s tongue slipped in his mouth, as he nipped at his lips.

He knew he didn’t have to come with Sylvain. He knew he could tell Sylvain to stop. Sylvain was too close to him now, to his life, but right now, all he wanted was to get lost in him like he always did. He let Sylvain pull him in, let Sylvain lay him down on the bed. He sighed as Sylvain sucked kisses down his neck, his chest, his teeth scraping against his skin, sinking into his hip bone.

“Sylvain,” Felix breathed as Sylvain moved lower, pressing a trail of kisses down his navel.

“Until I come,” Sylvain murmured, his lips brushing against his inner thigh. “I can do whatever I want.”

Felix grasped at the sheets, moaning as Sylvain went down on him, as he sucked marks all over his body, as he kissed him again and again. No matter how hard Felix dug his nails into Sylvain’s back, Sylvain fucked him slowly, gently, exhausting Felix by the time Sylvian let him come again. He held onto him all night and Felix let him. For the first time in his life, he fell asleep with another body next to him, his hand holding tightly to Sylvain’s.

-

Felix woke up, sore. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, shifting a little, feeling the arm around his waist tighten before Sylvain stirred, waking up too.

“Sorry,” Sylvain murmured against his neck as he loosened his grip.

Felix felt the soft press of Sylvain’s fingers against the bruises on his hips, sucking in a breath. “It’s fine,” he said. He slowly got up, Sylvain’s hand still lingering on him before Felix pulled away, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, collecting the clothes scattered on the bed.

“Felix,” he heard Sylvain say softly. “I’m here for you if you want to talk. Whatever it is between you and Dimitri — it doesn’t sit well with me to know that two of my friends are on bad terms.”

Felix pulled on his underwear. His shirt. “I’m not friends with him. _We’re_ not friends,” he said coldly. “You just pay to fuck me.”

He regretted it the instant the words left his mouth. His lips parted, an apology already climbing out of his throat before he bit it back. It was true, no matter how much he wanted to pretend it wasn’t. This was the nature of their relationship, the only reason they saw each other.

“Right,” was all Sylvain said, his voice distant.

Before he could say anything else, Felix dressed and left. When he got home, he changed out of his clothes, setting them aside instead of throwing them in the hamper, heading straight for the shower.

After his shower, he picked up his phone. Sylvain’s payment for last night had come through, along with the payment for the rest of the week in advance, more than the price he had given him. He sat on his bed, looking at it for a long while before he returned all of it. He tossed his phone on his nightstand and pulled his blanket over his head. He could still feel the phantom feeling of Sylvain’s mouth on his, on his body, his hands running down his body like he was committing him to memory.

It would have been better if Sylvain had gotten angry at him.

-

Felix postponed all of his appointments indefinitely, telling his clients he was going on a break. Then, he hunkered down in his apartment.

Days passed. In that time, Felix got a long-winded text from Dimitri that he didn’t bother to read, a few missed calls from Glenn. He replied to Annette’s messages as usual, knowing she’d probably drag him out of his apartment if she knew what state he was in, her own wedding be damned.

Sylvain didn’t contact him. It wasn’t a big deal. Clients came and went, even regulars — sometimes they found someone to do what he did for them for free or they were simply done indulging a passing curiosity. Sometimes, it just didn’t work out. No matter the reason, it didn’t concern him. With his schedule freed up, he would get over it, taking the chance to get some rest before he got back to work.

Weeks passed. The take-out boxes piled up in his bin. He fell asleep playing video games, waking up with a controller hanging out of his hand. The clothes he wore the last time he saw Sylvain lay rumpled on his bed, just within arms reach — if he held it close enough, he could still smell the faint traces of Sylvain’s cologne. When he looked in the mirror, the marks Sylvain left on him had long faded, but he still remembered where each one was.

Yes, he was definitely getting over it.

One morning, he woke to his phone rattling incessantly on the nightstand. Cracking an eye open, he grabbed it and squinted at the screen, sighing when he saw Glenn’s name — again. He waited for it to stop, the call going to voicemail, adding another notification to the screen — it was up to 3 now. Felix moved to set down his phone, only for it to vibrate again a moment later, Glenn’s name blaring at him.

Groaning, Felix rolled over onto his back, took a deep breath, and answered. “Don’t you have work to do,” he mumbled, his voice sleep-rough.

He could hear phones ringing in the background, voices shouting. Was he really calling him from the trading floor? “Wow,” Glenn uttered. “Your big brother calls you because he’s worried about you and this is how you greet him?”

Felix glared up at the ceiling. “What do you want?”

“Hm.” A pause. “Well, I’ve been dying to talk to you about something very interesting I heard from Dimitri a while ago.”

Felix closed his eyes. Dimtri really didn’t know how to shut up.

“In his defense, he only mentioned that he saw you,” Glenn said, amused like he knew how pissed Felix was. “After some pressing, he said he saw you because you were meeting that Gautier kid and it was easy to connect the dots from there.”

Felix had to think for a moment before he realized who Glenn was talking about. He pressed the heel of his hand against his brow, feeling a headache coming on. Of course Glenn knew Sylvain too.

"We’ve all been curious about the mythical creature that had made the nightmare of HR become so well-behaved," Glenn told him. "I never would have guessed it was my own baby brother whipping him into shape.”

Glenn knew about his job — he was supportive in his own way, usually by making crude jokes. Felix groaned. “I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Aw, c’mon, Fe, you really thought I wouldn’t ask you about it?” Glenn let out a wistful sigh. “I still remember the time in high school someone asked you out and you challenged the poor kid to a fight. Sylvain’s always smiling at his phone like an idiot, rushing out of work saying he had to meet someone like some lovesick idiot. You can see why I was surprised to learn it was because he was seeing you.”

Felix sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s just work.”

“Just work, huh?” Glenn echoed, not buying it for a second. “As much as you want to pretend you’re cold and unknowable, don’t forget I’m still your big brother. I know you don’t have the patience or the stomach to cozy up to anyone for a payday." A pause. "You must really like him.”

"I'm hanging up."

"Alright, alright, I’ll drop it — god, getting you to talk about anything in your life is like pulling teeth," Glenn complained. "I was just glad to hear anything about you. Dad was too."

Christ. “You told him?”

“I mean, I didn't get into the details, obviously, but he wants to know you're alive at least."

Felix scoffed. “Funny,” he muttered. “Last time I spoke to him, I was under the impression he didn't care about what I did with my life."

Glenn sighed. “Still pissed about that, huh?”

Felix grunted. The memory of what happened was still bitter in his mouth after all these years — sitting in the hospital room with his father, listening to him talk to Glenn about client portfolios like they were still at the office, like Glenn wasn’t hooked up to an IV, like he wasn’t in the hospital because he worked himself to the point of exhaustion. Even though Glenn didn’t see any problem with it, saying it was normal for their line of work, Felix had fought with his father that night, accusing him of just seeing them as tools for him to use. He quit the company the next day and left home soon after that.

“I’m not going to make excuses for him, but he does worry about you, Felix. He’s just never been good at showing it.” Glenn huffed a laugh. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed but it runs in the family.”

Felix scowled. “Hmph."

Glenn sighed again. “Anyway. It’s good that you have someone. Even if it is that smug bastard.”

Felix didn’t have the energy to argue with him anymore. He turned, pressing his cheek against the pillow, looking at the clothes on his bed. “He’s not that bad,” he mumbled instead, feeling oddly defensive.

There was a long silence, then a sniffle, noisy and dramatic. “You’ve really fallen into the clutches of love.”

Felix hung up, dropping his phone back on the bed. Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed heavily before he turned over and looked at his phone again.

-

It was snowing, but Felix managed to get himself into the shower, then out of his apartment and on a train to the city. The sky was a light grey, the air sharp with cold, lifting his spirits as he walked from the station to the restaurant, looking around for a head of orange hair.

“Felix!” Annette called, beaming as she embraced him once he was close enough. “Oh, I haven’t seen you in so long!”

Felix patted her back as she squeezed his waist tightly. “Sorry to call you last minute,” he said when she released him. “I know you’ve been busy with wedding planning.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” she assured him warmly as the host took them to their table. “I could really use the break. Mercie, too. I think even she's starting to lose her patience with me.”

Felix tried to recall the last thing Annette had lamented about. “The flowers?”

Annette sighed. “We’re still not ready to talk about that,” she said grimly.

Though Felix was her man-of-honor, Annette was far too fixated on every little detail of her wedding to trust anyone else with the planning, which worked just fine for him as he wasn’t looking for ways to incur her wrath. “I guess it’s difficult to find a florist willing to transport the amount of flowers you want up a mountain.”

“I know, okay?” Annette whined as they took their seats. “But this is a once in a lifetime event!”

After they placed their orders and retrieved their sauces, Annette was happy to carry the conversation while Felix cooked the meat and vegetables in the simmering pot of spicy soup, nodding along as she aired out her seemingly endless wedding woes. Eating at his favorite hot pot restaurant, spending time with a good friend — it should have helped keep him out of his own head, but he still found his mind wandering back to Sylvain anyway, wondering idly if Sylvain would eat all of the vegetables he didn’t like for him.

After they had eaten their fill, Annette let out a heavy sigh, clearly relieved to have been able to vent. “So,” she said as they sat with their tea, “how is everything with you?”

Felix tapped his finger against his cup. “Fine.”

Not that he really expected her to, but Annette shot him a look like she didn’t believe it. He wondered when he became so easy to read. “I heard from Mercie,” she said. “She’s been getting some of your clients.”

Felix lifted his cup, taking a sip. “I’m taking a break.”

She raised her eyebrows. “A break?”

“Is that so strange?”

“Well, everyone needs breaks,” she conceded. “I guess what’s unusual is that I don’t think you’ve taken a break in all the years I’ve known you.”

He shrugged. “Better late than never.”

Annette watched him carefully. Her demeanor shifted as she leaned forward, her voice softening. “I know you can take care of yourself, Felix, but if you had a bad client —”

She wasn’t going to drop it. “Not a bad client, no.” He took a deep breath, giving in. “Just...troublesome.”

Some of her concern ebbed away, replaced with curiosity. “Troublesome?” She leaned her elbows on the table. “You usually don’t let a client stay around long enough to become troublesome.”

Felix wrinkled his nose. “I got attached,” he admitted in a murmur.

“Oh.” Annette’s eyes widened. “ _Oh._ ”

He could practically feel the excitement radiating off of her. “It’s not really —”

“Felix,” Annette said in a hushed, excited whisper. “Did you want to meet to ask for relationship advice?”

“There isn’t a relationship to ask for advice for,” Felix told her flatly before she got ahead of herself. “I said some things to him. He didn’t call again.”

It already felt bad to admit it out loud, but somehow it felt even worse to see Annette visibly deflate upon hearing him. “Oh, Felix,” she said sadly. “Is that why you went on a break?”

“It’s fine,” Felix tried to reassure her. “It’s better this way. The last thing I need in my life is a distraction.”

“Having feelings for someone isn’t a distraction,” Annette said firmly before she sighed. “You must have really cared about him.”

He wanted to deny it. “I just saw him all the time,” he said instead. “I got too used to him.”

“Well, that’s the thing about the work, isn’t it? We spend a lot of time with the same people, see them in ways most people don’t, but familiarity can only go so far.” She smiled. “Don’t forget I worked your job too before I met Mercie.”

Of course he knew; she was the one who introduced him to it. He bit his lip as she looked at him patiently, waiting. “What made you realize it was different?” He finally asked quietly. “When did you know?”

She made a thoughtful noise as she traced the rim of her cup with her finger. “It’s not like an epiphany,” she said. “At least, it wasn’t for me. I think you know when you realize you’ve shown them a part of yourself you’ve never wanted anyone to see. And you realize they’ve accepted you, all of you, the good and the bad. You realize it wasn’t so scary to let someone know you.” She looked at him. “Is that how it was with him?”

For the first time in weeks, Felix thought of Sylvain, his smile, his touch, how easy it was to trust him, how terrifying it was too. No matter what Felix said, no matter how hard he tried to keep things close, Sylvain always seemed to know what he really meant, always seemed to know what he needed. “I don’t know.” He looked away. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Hold on to him,” Annette said gently. “Give yourself some time to figure things out.”

Felix let out a sardonic laugh. “I think I’ve already burned that bridge.”

Annette reached out to touch his hand. “Don’t run away, Felix,” she said. “Give him the chance to hold on to you too.”

-

“There’s a dream I’ve been having lately,” Sylvain had told him one night.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Felix glanced back at him before pulling his sweater over his head, pulling his damp hair out of the collar. Sylvain was awake for once, lying on his side, watching him dress.

“I’m always looking for you, but I can never manage to catch you before I wake up,” he continued. “You’re like a stray cat that comes close but runs away when I make the wrong move.”

He chuckled when Felix shot him a glare. Felix felt a tug — Sylvain uncurled the cuff, smoothing down the wrinkles; he liked to keep things tidy, orderly. It was strange how aware Felix was now of Sylvain’s habits, accustomed to his casual touches, no longer drawing away on instinct.

“I wonder if that’s why I don’t like seeing you leave,” Sylvain said quietly. “Maybe I let you go once. In a past life.”

Their eyes met. It was unusual for Sylvain to say something so sentimental. “Is that what you think it means?” Felix found himself saying.

Sylvain smiled, his finger brushing against the inside of Felix’s wrist. “Just a theory.”

Felix had gone years being on his own. He had chosen freedom over everything, but for just a moment, he thought it wouldn’t be so bad to be tied down, to have someone to return to. To have someone waiting for him at the end of the day.

-

After lunch, Felix wandered the city to clear his head, taking in the rare quiet as the snow picked up, people rushing home around him. He checked his email; there were a few more emails from clients asking if he was going to be taking appointments soon. He didn’t reply.

By the time he finally pulled himself out of his thoughts, night had fallen, the snow on the street piling higher. When he looked around, he realized his feet had carried him to the bar where he had met Sylvain that night. He lingered, his feet refusing to move. It was almost the end of January; he wondered if Sylvain was there. Wondered what he would even do if he was. Even if he saw Sylvain again, he didn’t know what he would say, what they would be going forward. Even if Sylvain forgave him, hired him again, he didn’t know if he could do it anymore. Didn’t know if it would be enough, even though he didn’t know what it was he wanted either.

Sure enough, eventually he saw him come out of the bar, Dimitri walking beside him. His heart pounding with indecision, it dropped when he saw Sylvain turn away from him. Did Sylvain see him? If he didn’t, should he call out to him?

Would it be worse if he did, only to have Sylvain treat him like a stranger?

Dimitri spotted him over Sylvain’s shoulder. His blue eyes darted from him to Sylvain; after a moment, Felix watched his lips move, Sylvain turning around; his heart skipped when Sylvain’s gaze met his. Dimitri gave him a nod, bumping his hand against Sylvain’s arm before he turned to leave, leaving the two of them on the sidewalk.

Frozen in place despite the urge to run, Felix could only wait to see what Sylvain would do. After a few moments, Sylvain walked toward him.

“Hey,” Sylvain said, stopping a little ways from him. He offered him a small smile. “Long time no see.”

Felix looked him over. Sylvain looked put together as always, the suit beneath his winter coat immaculate as always, his red hair perfectly styled despite the wind and snow, but Felix could tell he wasn’t getting enough sleep, could tell he had lost some weight. “You look like shit.”

Sylvain let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Did you come here just to tell me that?”

Felix shifted from one foot to the other. His boots scraped against the concrete, the soles crackling over the salt sprinkled on the sidewalk. “I was just in the area,” he muttered. Another moment passed. “I’m going home.”

“Wait,” Sylvain said quickly as Felix turned around. “There’s a snowstorm coming in. The trains stopped running a couple hours ago.”

He really hadn’t thought this though. “I’ll catch a cab.”

It was eerily quiet as the snow fell around them, neither of them moving. “My apartment’s close by,” Sylvain told him. “I’ve got a spare room you can stay in.” A pause. “If you’re okay with that.”

Leave, Felix told himself, but he didn’t. He thought of the text Dimitri sent him, the one he finally read after seeing Annette. _I’m sorry for what I said before. I was wrong to jump to conclusions about you, about Sylvain, and I hope you don’t let what you think of me affect what you think of him. I think he knows you better than anyone else. And I know now it’s because you let him._

He turned around. Sylvain looked back at him, his hands clenched at his sides. “Okay,” he answered, relieved when Sylvain smiled.

-

Sylvain’s apartment was in a high-rise downtown, just a few blocks away from the financial district. Once inside, Sylvain shed his coat, offering to take Felix’s jacket before hanging them up in the closet. “Mind if I change?” He asked. Felix shook his head.

Left alone in the living room, Felix wandered, looking around. The apartment was surprisingly tidy, but not bare in any sense. The shelves lining the walls were crammed full with books, from history to art to fiction; scattered around were all kinds of little knickknacks, souvenirs, things that weren’t necessarily pretty or expensive, but clearly important enough to Sylvain to display. Felix picked up a small horse figurine sitting on the shelf, running his fingers along the smooth polished wood. There were a few of them, of varying sizes and styles, made of painted ceramic, glass, marble.

He heard Sylvain walk back out, wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt. Felix had never seen him in casual clothes before. “I left some clothes for you in the room.” He spotted the figurine in Felix’s hand. “Ah, I’ve had that one since I was little.” He smiled, sheepish. “I’ve always wanted a horse.”

“You don’t have one?” Felix asked, half as a joke, half as a genuine question.

Sylvain laughed softly. “The city isn’t really a great place to keep one.”

“There’s probably places that’ll keep them for you upstate.”

“That’s true. But I wouldn’t ever have the chance to visit it.” Sylvain looked at him. “You collect anything?”

Felix hummed. “Swords.”

“Fitting,” Sylvain said, a little fond. He cleared his throat, looking away. “Oh, uh, the room’s down the hall on the right. There’s a bathroom you’re welcome to use too.”

Felix set down the figurine gently. “Thanks,” he mumbled, fleeing.

Once in the safety of the guest room, Felix took a breath, trying to calm himself down. Shedding his damp clothes, he warmed himself up in the shower, coming out to the clothes Sylvain set out on the bed. He picked up the sweater, black with the letters GMU in bold golden letters across the front. They went to the same university. He wondered if they had ever seen each other back then.

He pulled it on, careful to roll up the sleeves over his hands. He would have remembered if he did.

In the living room, Sylvain was sitting on the couch with his laptop. He looked up when Felix shuffled out; a pair of glasses were perched on his nose. “Everything okay with the room?”

Felix nodded. The clothes were a little too big for him, but that was to be expected since they were Sylvain’s. After lingering in the hallway awkwardly for far too long, he made his way over to the couch, sitting down at the end a little ways from Sylvain. He glanced at the clock; it was approaching midnight. He could see that Sylvain was still typing some emails. He ran his fingers through his damp hair. “Do you always work this late?”

Sylvain’s fingers tapped against the keyboard. “Just this time of year. Mostly because of the time zones.” Sending the last email, he closed his laptop and took off his glasses, setting them on the table. “I have trouble sleeping so it works out.”

Felix used to think it was strangely endearing how Sylvain slept so deeply after they had sex. He felt guilty again, remembering that Sylvain had wanted to see him the whole month, probably for that reason.

“You haven’t called me in a long time,” Felix blurted out.

Sylvain was quiet for a moment. “Work’s been keeping me pretty busy. And I uh,” he rubbed his neck, “didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

I did, Felix wanted to say, but couldn’t. Instead, he curled up on the couch, tucking his feet under his legs. “I just needed to think about some things.” Felix looked at him, his heart aching. “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.”

Sylvain smiled a little. “It’s okay. I’ve got some pretty thick skin,” he said, light-hearted. “I wanted to apologize too. You were upset and I didn’t know why. I should’ve asked if you were okay, but…” he trailed off, rubbing his neck. “I didn't expect to feel so jealous, not knowing something about you that someone else does."

Felix flushed a little at the memory, how possessive Sylvain had been. It didn’t occur to him at all. “Oh.”

“I ended up asking Dimitri a few things,” Sylvain admitted, apologetic, a little embarrassed like he had realized his mistake. “He told me you two grew up together, that your dad’s the head of Fraldarius Investments. I should’ve seen the resemblance but the way Glenn talks about you always made me think you were still a kid.”

Felix sighed, recalling how Glenn used to brag about him to the new hires. “Is he still like that?”

“Yeah,” Sylvain said, amused. “Just today, he gave me the shovel talk in the men’s bathroom.” Felix groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “It was very impressive. If I hadn’t already set my mind to it, it would have thoroughly convinced me to devote my life to you.”

Felix blinked, lifting his face to look at him. Sylvain looked back at him, looking right into his eyes.

"I’ve only ever known how to keep someone with money, only ever thought that getting someone to stay with me meant giving them something that was worth the trouble of dealing with me, but you never seemed to care about any of that.” Sylvain reached out to touch his cheek. “It’s okay if you’re not ready to tell me about the past. I like you the way I’ve known you, the way you are now. Even if you ask me to, I don’t want to let you go.”

Felix felt his heart in his throat. All this time, he thought he wanted to be alone, but he didn’t want to be. Not anymore. Not when he finally found someone who saw him, who didn’t want to change him. “I don't want you to.”

Sylvain’s thumb traced his cheek. “There were so many ways we almost met but didn’t, but we still managed to find each other anyway,” he mused, smiling softly. “Maybe it means we’re meant to be.”

“Can you ever not sound like a cliche,” Felix muttered, though it made his heart clench anyway, happy to hear Sylvain laugh.

It was easy, natural even, to lean in as Sylvain leaned in too. Maybe Sylvain was right, that this was as certain as gravity. Felix exhaled at the brush of Sylvain’s lips against his; his eyes half-open, he watched Sylvain’s eyes open too as he pulled away. Felix flushed, embarrassed.

“I don’t really do this a lot,” he mumbled.

“Me neither,” Sylvain admitted, tucking a lock of Felix’s hair behind his ear. “We’ll figure it out together.”

His heartbeat thundering as Sylvain leaned in again, Felix closed his eyes, felt Sylvain thread their fingers, felt him kiss him again, sighing like he was returning to where he belonged.

-

_Two months later_

Sylvain’s bed was very comfortable. The pillows were just the right firmness, the sheets silky soft against his skin — probably something with a thousand thread count. Felix wasn’t the type to splurge on indulgent things, but he was beginning to see its appeal.

Slowly emerging from sleep, Felix blinked, yawning as he stretched. Throwing out a hand and finding the bed empty, he looked toward the closet, heard sounds of rustling inside. He laid in bed, looking out the window through the thin gap between the heavy curtains, a sliver of the city spread out below them. He contemplated going back to sleep, only to hear the door open.

“What time is it?”

Sylvain stood by the bed, dressed in his suit; he glanced at his watch. “Around 10am,” he said as he buttoned his cuffs, smiling when Felix’s eyes widened. “I think I tired you out. You didn’t even wake up when I took you to the bath with me last night.”

Felix sat up, his bedhead flying about. He looked down to see that he was dressed in one of Sylvain’s shirts, his hair smelling like Sylvain’s shampoo. “You should’ve woken me up.”

“I didn’t mind. I always get a good night’s sleep when you’re around.”

Felix glared, his cheeks warm as Sylvain smiled at him. At Sylvain’s insistence, Felix had started staying over on weekends, but he had put his foot down about weekdays or rather, tried to. What was worse was that they didn’t even have sex last night — Sylvain wanted to watch a movie with him after dinner and they ended up making out until Felix had apparently fallen dead asleep. It felt ridiculous to be more overwhelmed with kissing than he ever was with sex.

“As much as I’d love to stay in too, I’ve got some things to take care of today,” Sylvain said regretfully. He pulled on his jacket. “You can help yourself to the fridge. I texted you the door code if you need to come back for anything. I’ll be back late, but you’re more than welcome to stay the night again.”

Felix fell back on the bed. “Hurry up and go to work,” he said sternly.

“Alright, alright,” Sylvain relented but he stepped toward him, bracing a hand on either side of him before ducking in for a kiss, long and lingering. “See you, Felix.”

“Bye,” he mumbled, Sylvain grinning as he left, closing the door behind him. After taking a few moments to recover, Felix looked for his phone — it was plugged in on the nightstand. He had a text from Dimitri — _Tell Sylvain he’s late for work_. He replied — _he’s on the way._ A text from Annette telling him that the flowers have been sorted out, finally. An email from his father about their monthly brunch on Sunday, with a reply from Glenn saying he was disallowing alcohol for the foreseeable future.

He burrowed in the warm blankets, breathing in Sylvain’s scent before he went to start his day.

-

Felix did leave, only to return to Sylvain’s apartment after a trip to the store and his apartment. His schedule had freed up a fair bit, not because he was unemployed again; he was now Sylvain’s personal financial advisor, sponsored by his father’s company after he got his stockbroker’s license — “This is a kind of domming too, isn’t it?” Sylvain had quipped when he gave Felix access to his accounts, to which Felix had only cast him a long-suffering look.

Back in Sylvain’s bedroom, Felix looked at himself in the full-length mirror, turning and twisting his body. He looked at the time; Sylvain said he would be getting home around this time. As if on cue, he heard the front door open, then the bedroom door a few moments later, Sylvain pausing in the doorway.

“You offered your fridge with an unwarranted amount of confidence,” Felix told him, suppressing the urge to grin. “I made dinner.”

“I saw,” Sylvain said as he took off his jacket. Felix watched him in the mirror as Sylvain walked toward him, his hands slipping under Felix’s t-shirt. “I’ve never seen this before.”

The garter Felix was wearing was new, more elaborate than what he was used to. Thin black straps criss-crossed over his hips — it was incredibly annoying to put on and take off since he had to make sure the straps didn’t get twisted around, but it was the kind of lingerie that was meant to be admired. “I went to my apartment to get a few things.”

Sylvain glanced around, his eyes falling on a box on the floor. He peered inside, raising an eyebrow at the various sex toys inside. “Usually, that means things like extra underwear.”

“I thought you’d like this better,” Felix said as Sylvain ran his hands over the straps. “I think there’s a hook back there somewhere.” He glanced at him in the mirror. “You like puzzles.”

Sylvain hummed, kissing his neck. “That I do.”

The nice thing about staying over at Sylvain’s was that he got to tease him. “But I’m saving it for the weekend. I’ll let you enjoy it as much as you want then.” Felix pulled away, the straps snapping against his skin as Sylvain tried to cling to him. “Go get ready for dinner.”

“Stingy,” he heard Sylvain grumble as he reluctantly left for the bathroom.

Felix changed, tossing the tangled mess into the box to sort out later. He pulled on a pair of shorts before he went to the kitchen to finish cooking. Sylvain’s kitchen was well-stocked with equipment, but his fridge was desolate, usually populated with leftovers. Felix had learned that when Sylvain didn’t have time to go out to eat, he didn’t eat at all. He busied himself with reheating the sauce and slicing the steak, hearing Sylvain come out of the bedroom and walk into the kitchen.

“I talked to your father today,” Sylvain mentioned as Felix handed him the plates to take to the table.

Felix narrowed his eyes. “What did he want?”

“Ah, just work stuff.” Felix cast him a suspicious look. “He invited me to the infamous Fraldarius family brunch.”

Felix paused, his hand in the silverware drawer. “He invited you?” A beat. “My father?”

“I heard alcohol’s been banned so I think I’m just there as a protective measure.”

Brunch at his family home was not a particularly peaceful event, even with Glenn acting as a mediator. On the other hand, his father did seem to like Sylvain as he was strangely fine with them dating. Maybe Sylvain just had that sort of charm about him. “He’s up to something,” Felix muttered as he put down the fork and knife for Sylvain.

“Maybe he just wants to have a nice meal with you, Felix,” Sylvain suggested, smiling when Felix sat at the table, still doubtful.

After dinner, Sylvain took care of the dishes while Felix took a shower. When he came out, Sylvain was sitting on the bed, picking through Felix’s box. He looked up, holding up a familiar collar. “This brings back memories.”

Felix climbed onto the bed, taking it from him. He had only ever used it the one time with Sylvain, as they were busy trying new things, though he did often think about bringing it over. “You liked this one.”

Sylvain watched Felix turn it over in his hands. “It was nice to be told what to do. Especially things I like.”

The heated look on Sylvain’s face did not escape him. “The weekend,” Felix reminded him firmly. Sylvain sighed, giving him the box back reluctantly. After putting it away in the closet, Felix returned to bed. Dating Sylvain did have its perks, like the sex, of course, the fancy dinners and box seats at the opera, but one of his favorite things about it was being able to watch Sylvain slowly slide down the bed, yawning like an old man.

“Hard day at work?” Felix said wryly.

Sylvain just made a tired noise. "You don't have to stay. You won’t wake me up coming in."

Felix knew for a fact that was untrue, that Sylvain wouldn’t fall asleep until he came to bed too. He curled up beside him. "It’s fine.”

Sylvain hummed, pleased, wrapping his arms around him. “How was your day?” He asked, already half-asleep.

At least he was trying. “Good,” Felix said. “Annette told me there was still time to change the guest list. So you can come to the wedding if you want.”

“You want me to go with you?”

Felix glared. “Why wouldn’t I want you to go with me?”

Sylvain smiled, his eyes closing with a sigh. “Well, that’s another thing to look forward to. There’s nothing like a wedding to put you in the mood. Wouldn’t want either of us to miss out.”

Felix huffed. “Is sex all you think about?” he grumbled.

Sylvain yawned again, rubbing his cheek against Felix’s head. “I think about weddings too,” he mumbled, the words nearly unintelligible.

Felix blinked, his cheeks warming as Sylvain snored softly. He let out a sigh, tucking his head under Sylvain’s chin and resting his hand over his. He never knew he could feel settled like this, just being close to another person. He stroked Sylvain's hand with his thumb, blinking slowly as he followed him to sleep, hoping Sylvain would love him even more in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
